Schooled

After an uneventful summer in Gilbert, Tucson, aka the dirty T, the 520 has welcomed me back with open arms. As much as I loved taking a summer vacation in a town comparable to the one on the Stepford wives, with its perfectly manicured lawns managed by people from a Southern region of this continent, the homeless and trashed streets of Tucson looked like the Garden of Eden to me when I arrived here a week ago. To commemorate my love for this ghetto of a city i have composed a list of the things I love most about it, and the UofA in particualar.

1. Sorority Girl Talk: College campuses are supposed to be places of intellectual theorization along with the formation of new ideas and profound discourse. Today I heard this conversation coming from a group of bleach blonde Alpha Phi's that went something like this....

Girl 1: OMG it's sooooo hot.

Girl 2: I know right? I'm like sweating....

..............20 second pause......................

Girl 1: The guy at Starbucks drew a shooting star on my latte cup this morning.

Girl 2: That's soooo awesome.

Shoot. Me. Now.

2. I love starting my mornings off at the gym with my gay friend Johann. His shorts are much shorter than mine and he sings Lady Gaga with more flair than I ever could. Rock on Johann.

3. Tucson probably has worse streets than any third world country. For some reason, the city decided that rain gutters weren't a necessity. However, when monsoon season comes along it makes for some awesome puddles to jump in! These puddles that are as wide as the street and about 2 feet deep make for prime splashing material to drive through and ruin any Sorostitutes hair day.

4. Egee's. I think that says it all but I'll go further. If you want the best slushy and sub of your life in a tacky bright green and yellow atmosphere, this is the place for you.

5. Riding my beach cruiser Vanilla Pudding around town and getting called "Baby" by a truck full of fat black men. Actually, this probably isn't one of my favorites part about Tucson but it happened today and it was such a confidence booster...not.

6. Living in an apartment that has metal bars on all the windows like a jail cell. Normally I would be repulsed by the idea, but I view this as an asset to the apartment that could help its resale value. I can see the ad now, "2 bed, 1 bath, washer and dryer and metal prison bars on all windows." I do sleep better at night considering even I could break in with these type of windows if it weren't for the bars.

7. Not having to live with my parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

-Mark Twain