Lalala

Six months ago today I met my best friend.

I love him.

The Morning After

The morning after: no, this does not refer to walking out of a stranger's house with the previous night's dress half way on and the stench of someone's Axe body spray lingering on your skin. This horrible happenstance is waking up the night after an event where over 500 unnecessary photos were taken, only to find every.single.one. of them posted to Facebook. My reaction usually goes something like this:

Stumble out of bed approximately 1:30 pm. Put off going to the bathroom to check Facebook. Open computer and log on. "Holy crap, 47 new notifications, I'm soooo popular!" Peruse notifications. Find 44 new pictures tagged of yourself. Look through pictures. "EW EW EW! HOW LONG HAVE THESE BEEN UP HERE?!?! I NEED TO LOSE 2,0000 POUNDS!!" Untag yourself in pictures faster than UofA lost their chances of going to a bowl game.

I hate the morning after.

"I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands." Dudley Moore

Diet

Thi whole blog pot will be written without the ue of the letter S. Due to the fact that that key i tuck and driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!

ometime I get idea, and mot of the time, thee idea are horrible. Like, horrible. I had an idea that I hould go on a "Cereal Diet."

Thi i an example of a proper Cereal Diet:

Breakfast:

• Bowl of cereal (no more than 160 calories)
• 2/3 cup milk (1 percent low fat / or fat free)

Lunch:

• Bowl of cereal – choose a different brand (no more than 160 calories)
• 2/3 cup milk (1 percent low fat / or fat free)

Healthy Snacks (Pick three snacks daily)

• 1 cup apple slices
• 1 Tbs. peanut butter

• 4 whole wheat crackers
• 1 low fat cheese stick

• 1 cup low fat yogurt (unflavored)
• 1 cup berries

• 100 calories of pretzels
• 2Tbs. raisins

• 2/3 cup low fat cottage cheese
• 1 peach or apple

• 100 calories nut pack or 14 almonds
• 2 chocolate Hershey’s Kisses

• 15 baby carrots
• ¼ cup hummus

Dinner Suggestions: (Pick one daily)

• 4 oz grilled chicken breast
• 2 grilled pineapple rings
• 1 ¼ cup grilled vegetables
• ½ tsp. olive oil
• 1 medium baked potato
• 1 Tbs. each low fat sour cream and low fat cheese

My idea of a Cereal Diet:

11:00 am- one bowl of Captain Crunch.

3:00 pm- one bowl of Cinnamon Life

6:00 pm- one bowl of Fruit Loop

WORT IDEA EVER.

Lat night, i wa ravenou. I could have eaten a an entire Baby Mammoth after four day on thi food regime. O, Chanda made delicou pata and I tuffed my face. Then, we went out to U-wirl. One of thoe fancy little place that let you fill up the cup with frozen yogurt...and then add an entire bottle of prinkle to the top. Flipping Delicou. However, at thi point I wa feeling a little queay due to the pata and having eaten no olid food for the pat four day. After eaten a gallon of that frozen yogurt with mini gummy bear, I wanted to barf. I wa mierable for the next five hour. Moral of the tory: alway wear a helmet.

"Food i an important part of a balanced diet." -Fran Lebowitz

For Chanda

I have a new roommate. Her name is Chanda, Chanda Mae. She's pretty cool on Tuesdays, Thursdays and most major holidays. Yesterday she was obscenely bored because no one was updating their blogs. So this blog post is dedicated to her. Hopefully it will make up for me using her toothbrush.

Today, I turned in my final paper for some class I don't even know the name of. I went a total of seven times in a 5 week period and landed that A like Captain "Sully" Sullenberger crashing into the Hudson River. As I was turning in my paper, an embarrassing thing happened to me that goes like this:

My professor's office is on the 5th floor of the building. After I turned the paper in, I didn't know where I was in the building I just knew I needed to go down. I went down three flights of stairs and subsequently found a door that lead outside. I went out these doors and found myself surrounded by shrubbery and large generators. As I worked my way out like a survivor, I found myself in the middle of a freaking construction zone going on between two buildings. I honestly tried to find my way out but next thing I knew a man was yelling, "MA'AM THERE'S A TRACTOR COMING! WATCH OUT!" Not knowing what he said, I went over to him and he said, "How the heck did you get in here?" Panicked, I said, "I have no clue!" Then I moved a cone and I walked out of there, thankfully with my life.

"Basically, my life is so boring, it's embarrassing." -Hugh Grant

Mexicans

There are too many Mexicans in my life. At this current point in my life I have dated two, and had one bike stolen by a Mexican. Wow, I'm really offensive. There are some Mexicans I am fond of, such as the little man at Taco Shop. He knows me and my order and it's very endearing. However, it's not my fault that I have these prejudices. When I was home in Gilbert last my dad made a wonderfully humorous black joke. Of course I laughed and said to him, "this is why I'm a tad racist Dad." For some reason this really offended him. It's not like either of us can help it. When you are an upper-middle class, Mormon, Glenn Beck loving, white man I feel like it just comes with a territory.

Story time.

A few weeks ago, my beloved beach cruiser was cruelly stolen. The lock was left next to the spot where it last was and everything. In my sadness, I posted a Facebook status that read, "Mexicans of Tucson: if i see you riding a bike with a pink basket, not only will you look stupid, but you will have hell to pay." I guess this is offensive?

Next thing I know I get a message from one of my Facebook "friends" ranting on about how sad it is that people from our generation can be so heartlessly cruel to one race. I did feel a little bad but I replied to this message with, "IT'S NOT RACIST IF IT's TRUE."

"In order to get beyond racism, we must first take account of race. There is no other way. And in order to treat some persons equally, we must treat them differently." -Harry A. Blackmun

LAME

So I got on to blog this afternoon and started to read other people's blogs. This is when I realized how lame I am. Tara had posted about her trip to Denver, Morgan had an account of her epic skydiving trip, and Alix wrote about going to the beach and other awesome things in California. Maybe I'll blog about the smelly guy I sat by at the movies last night another time...or never.

"Hey, you know what, I've gotta go on that 'Letterman Show.' That show is so lame." -Al Gore

Best Buy

I think that I don't get out enough in Tucson. Reason being, every time I come home to Gilbert, running errands with my parents is one of my favorite things to do. Sadly, going to Target, Sam's Club, and Wal-mart excites me; and my mother rolls her at me throughout the whole experience. Today, my dad needed some cord with ends that we didn't have in the massive box of cords in the office. Of course I volunteered with more enthusiasm than necessary to go to Best Buy with him. While we were there, he couldn't find it. Although I suggested plenty of cords that looked cordy enough for our needs, they were never THE ONE. My dad found a salesperson while I messed around with a touchscreen printer that I accidentally made print and completely embarrassed myself with. As I caught up with my dad, he was talking to the hottest man/salesperson/homosapien I had ever lain eyes upon. Seriously, I could barely stop staring. I could go into detail of his perfectly bronzed skin, chiseled chin, light blue eyes, and wonderfully tousled sandy blonde hair; but I won't. As we were walking out of the store, my dad said to me, "He was attractive wasn't he?" My dad has good taste in men.

"It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly." -Oscar Wilde

Roads

Here I am, sitting on the bottom bunk of the bunk-bed that my sister and I share when I come home, pondering about life. The past few weeks for me have been a period of soul searching, yoga doing, and horoscope reading, to finally figuring out that proverbial road in life that I am supposed to take. I remember my freshman year, reading Robert Frost's poem about taking roads and making decisions, that everyone reads at some point during their high school career. Mr. Frost, my only criticism is that there are so many roads other than that initial starting crossroad. I might have started with one road but then that road lead to another road with an infinite number of intersections that I have had to consider. It's a freaking pain in the...butt. I watched the movie Eat Pray, Love the other day, and other than being a horrible movie, I found myself relating to the astounding Julia Roberts. No, I am not going to be leaving my husband, but I needed a change in my life. Well my friends, accounting is no longer my future, and the sky is already bluer and the birds are chirping. I can't get away from what I love any longer. English it will be and I am dang excited for once in a long while. Moral of the story: Life is too short not to do what will make you happy. I am excited to do what will make me happy.

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." -Albert Schweitzer

Unfun

Well folks, it's that time of year again when I have time to blog. I decided to come home and grace my family with my presence for a week or so. My sister told me I looked fat. I do love her. I'd like to take a minute and reflect on this past semester. I will hereby be labeling this past semester as the UNFUN semester of my college career. A lot of things exploded in my face, and I feel like I did not accomplish as much as I would have liked. I'll have to spend this summer catching up and restarting. I guess that's life, living and learning the hard way. Oi. How is that for a depressing blog post eh?

"Success is simply a matter of luck, ask any failure." -Earl Wilson

Buckets

I haven't blogged in a while. Actually, I never blog but every time that I do, I wish I did it more-like flossing my teeth. Today we were at my aunt's house in California and she has the most darling two year old. At one point, my dad pointed to her and said, "Just a few more years and you'll have one like this Amy." Just a few more years?! Yeah like ten! Another example. On my birthday a few weeks ago my mom said to me, "You're 20, I was married when I was 20." Hey no pressure right? I guess living for two decades means you have to either be having children or have won the Nobel Peace Prize. Here is a list of things I'd like to do in my 20's...and in life.

1. Hike Mount Kilimanjaro
2. Sky Dive (really cliche but I had to put that one on there)
3. Surf
4. GRADUATE (this should be number one)
5. Work for Disney
6. Learn a new language and live in that country
7. Open my own business
8. Go to Cal State Fullerton
9. Move to Chicago
10. Own a car
11. Read more books
12. Get my piano performance degree
13. Write for a newspaper
14. Backpack through Europe (again, cliche but it must be done)
15. Teach Economics
16. Hot air balloon
17. Go to Canada
18. Learn how to take decent pictures
19. Snowboard in Austria
20. Be in Time's Square on New Year's Eve

"Life is a ticket to the greatest show on earth."
-Martin H. Fischer

Liars

I think that they need to change the wording of the ninth commandment. My whole life i have been taught that some guy named Moses went up on a mountain, and came down with a slab of rock that outlined rules that have revolutionized the course of religious history. I guess that's pretty cool i just have one problem; the average male cannot interpret the meaning of the ninth one on there. THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS. If I ever talk to God face to face we are going to have a long conversation on why he didn't simply make this one say, "thou shalt not lie." It truly would've made my life much easier.

Although, to all you liars, thieves, cheaters, and politicians out there, I give you credit. The art of lying is a skill that people with morals can never master. Plus, I can't blame you, the ninth commandment is hard to understand. So please, go ahead and keep pretending to be someone you're not. You definitely have me fooled.

"A lie has speed, but truth has endurance." -Edgar J. Mohn