I Need to Write More

When I wrote that title I almost laughed out loud at the irony of it. I write for a living; why do I need to write during my personal time? But I need to. While I pride myself on writing ten 500 word articles right in a row on the benefits of solar paneling or dentists in New Hampshire, I find myself getting burned out on the pointlessness of it all. Although my writing may be pointless, juvenile, and stereotypical to other people, it's none of those things to me.

An update: I currently live in all the glory a twenty two year old college graduate could hope to dwell in-my parent's upstairs spare room. I can't lie. Packing up my GRE and LSAT prep books and putting my hard sought after scores filled with sweat, tears, and bits of my brain into a box was the hardest thing I did this year. Dreams can fade into the distance; and I have to convince myself that the process of grasping a dream is almost better than the actual achievement. But then, there are the moments that remind me why I'm here where I am now. Like earlier, when Dameon told me in broken English that his favorite food in the "whole big world" was cupcakes as frosting dripped from his fingers and chocolate crumbs laced the corners of his wide-lipped smile.

A Year in Review

For the sake of journal purposes....

January: It's sad but I really don't remember.  I went to school?

February: Wedding planning galore. Plus, I turned 21! Wooooooooo!

March: I got more sick than I have been in years.  Thankfully, I recovered two short days before I got married to my BFF on a glorious spring day.  Sean and I then honeymooned on a cruise to Enseda Mexico!

April: Continued settling into our apartment.  I managed to break our blender and figured out how to use my wonderful Kitchenaid.

May: End of the semester for both Sean and I! I ended this month jobless and bored out of my mind.

June: Sean and I both worked.  I found a job at Olive Garden, that I rejoiced in quitting 8 weeks later.

July: Still working lots.... Went to California with Tara!

August: Sean and I began school again.  Began working @ Tucson Chrysler Jeep, on campus, and interning at the Attorney General's Office.

September: Almost lost my mind.

October: Still losing my mind.

November: Went to Gilbert for less than 24 hours for Thanksgiving!

December: End of the semester- Sean finished his first full year of college! Christmas and a trip to Knott's Berry Farm.

If by chance...

You throw rocks through my open bedroom window at one in the morning asking for the key to my apartment complex's hot tub, and you are my husband's best friend, I will want to throw a brick at your face.

"No enemy is so annoying as one who was a friend, or is still a friend, and there are many more of these than one would suspect." -William Saroyan

I hate the phone.

The demanding ring of the phone, any phone, makes me want to crawl into the depths of the corner between my bed and closet and hibernate until death overcomes me.  Here are a few instances contributing to this aversion as of late:

1.  Four nights a week and weekends I answer the phone delightfully at Tucson Chrysler Jeep.  By the end of the week I have to restrain myself from vomiting as the scripted, "Thank you for calling Tucson Chrysler Jeep how may I direct your call?" spews itself out of my mouth.  This week a man called.  Unfortunately one cannot tell the intelligence quotient of an average man over the receiving line.  I monotonously repeated my lines and he said, "Let me talk to Gerry." Alright Sir Demanding let me transfer you.  Within a thirty second time frame, my phone rings, and Sir Demanding asks for Gerry again.  The same scenario was repeated as I gauged my left eyeball out with a paperclip.  The man gave me a twenty second window before calling back once more and stating, "Hey, I didn't want to talk to Jeremy.  I got his Voicemail and it said that it was Jeremy's line not Gerry."  Luckily, I have the average intelligence of a monkey and said with a sugary sweetness practically wetting my lips as I spoke, "Sir, we have two Jeremys at our dealership.  To help distinguish between the two, the one you wish to speak with goes by Gerry.  He simply says his name is Jeremy on his answering machine because that's his name." As I now was stabbing my right eye out of its socket with the stapler he said, "Well that that doesn't even make sense, you need to learn how to do your job lady." I really hope he gets hit by a bus.

2.  I am in ardent need of someone to take over the duty of wrangling the horrid mess upon my head that some like to call hair.  My sister-in-law gave me the number of the lady who does her hair. Desperately calling yesterday evening I dialed the number.  After a few rings a man answered the phone. Freaking me out I just hung up the phone.  For one, I thought no one was going to answer so it surprised me and my first impulse was just to hang up.  And two, the man was Asian.  My other thought was, I didn't call Old China Buffet, why would he be answering the phone.  No harm, no foul right? So wrong.  Almost instantaneously the number I called shows up on my phone.  I ignore the call, how awkward of a conversation would that have been if I had answered? Then, oddly enough I get notification of a new voicemail.  As I listen to the message and an Asian man, with an overwhelming accent and horrendous English says, "When you call, do not just hang up, say sorry wrong number, don't be a coward." Whatever man.

Actually, I don't just hate the phone, I hate everything this week.  #supergrumpy #hashtag

This Summer....

My accomplishments: I just finished season two of Gossip Girl.
My goals:  Avoid a shift at work with crotchety old people. 

When people at school ask me what I did over the summer it's going to be embarrassing. Oh well, today I am going to make bread...that should be invigorating. 

"Do what we can, summer will have its flies."  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Grasshoppers

This morning this ugly thing was on the car windshield:


Seriously, so ugly.  And as I was driving I wondered what kind of meaning having a green grasshopper on your windshield might signify.  Great honor? Good fortune? Honorable posterity? A guaranteed parking spot rivaling the handicap's at every location?
No. It means that there is a gross bug on your windshield.

"Everything in life is luck." -Donald Trump

Yay Tara!

One of the perks of being married is being able to go INSIDE here.


I love it there.  What I love even more is being able to go with the lovely Sister Cordner.

What a happy day. I love you Tara and am so excited for your upcoming adventures!

"I have said it before' I will say it again: there is no fog so dense, no night so dark, no gale so strong, no mariner so  lost but what the lighthouse of the Lord can rescue." -President Thomas S. Monson

If You Were Wondering....

It was perfect.
Here are some of my favorites from the day.

Oh Grandpa....

I get to be Aunt Amy now!

D'awwww.

So much awkward.

I protested until the day before the wedding that I did not want any form of dancing at the reception.  I gave in. I'm glad I did.

Sean's face.

Sean's face.

Woot.

So much stud.

Again, Sean's face.

:)

The people who made us.

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."  -Rita Rudner

Television

Sean and I decided to buy a TV. Now, we have a TV the size of Rhode Island. I'm thinking about opening a drive in theater this TV is so large. This TV comes up to my hips. If Sean has a midlife crisis, we will have to get a house just for the TV (in Texas because it wouldn't fit in Rhode Island).

Ok, the TV isn't that big. 36" of screen just seems unnecessary to me. Men. It's a good thing I love him.

"Do you realize if it wasn't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight?" -Al Boliska

Senioritis

I'd rather take a shower with four hobos who haven't bathed in a decade than go to school tomorrow.

I'd rather pull a Britney Spears and shave off my hair than go to school tomorrow.

I'd rather eat tofu boiled in 40 year old chicken broth than go to school tomorrow.

I'd rather have five beer bottles attached to the fingers on my right hand than go to school tomorrow.

I'd rather be stuck in a nursery calling for the rest of my life than go to school tomorrow.

I'd rather be immobilized in an outhouse for 8 years with a rabid wolf than go to school tomorrow.

I'd rather live in a hut on a deserted island with no one but a babbling Birkahineo native than go to school tomorrow.

I'd rather become an ASU fan than go to school tomorrow.

I really don't want to go back to school tomorrow....

"You can't learn in school what the world is going to do next year." -Henry Ford

Lalala

Six months ago today I met my best friend.

I love him.

The Morning After

The morning after: no, this does not refer to walking out of a stranger's house with the previous night's dress half way on and the stench of someone's Axe body spray lingering on your skin. This horrible happenstance is waking up the night after an event where over 500 unnecessary photos were taken, only to find every.single.one. of them posted to Facebook. My reaction usually goes something like this:

Stumble out of bed approximately 1:30 pm. Put off going to the bathroom to check Facebook. Open computer and log on. "Holy crap, 47 new notifications, I'm soooo popular!" Peruse notifications. Find 44 new pictures tagged of yourself. Look through pictures. "EW EW EW! HOW LONG HAVE THESE BEEN UP HERE?!?! I NEED TO LOSE 2,0000 POUNDS!!" Untag yourself in pictures faster than UofA lost their chances of going to a bowl game.

I hate the morning after.

"I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands." Dudley Moore

Diet

Thi whole blog pot will be written without the ue of the letter S. Due to the fact that that key i tuck and driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!

ometime I get idea, and mot of the time, thee idea are horrible. Like, horrible. I had an idea that I hould go on a "Cereal Diet."

Thi i an example of a proper Cereal Diet:

Breakfast:

• Bowl of cereal (no more than 160 calories)
• 2/3 cup milk (1 percent low fat / or fat free)

Lunch:

• Bowl of cereal – choose a different brand (no more than 160 calories)
• 2/3 cup milk (1 percent low fat / or fat free)

Healthy Snacks (Pick three snacks daily)

• 1 cup apple slices
• 1 Tbs. peanut butter

• 4 whole wheat crackers
• 1 low fat cheese stick

• 1 cup low fat yogurt (unflavored)
• 1 cup berries

• 100 calories of pretzels
• 2Tbs. raisins

• 2/3 cup low fat cottage cheese
• 1 peach or apple

• 100 calories nut pack or 14 almonds
• 2 chocolate Hershey’s Kisses

• 15 baby carrots
• ¼ cup hummus

Dinner Suggestions: (Pick one daily)

• 4 oz grilled chicken breast
• 2 grilled pineapple rings
• 1 ¼ cup grilled vegetables
• ½ tsp. olive oil
• 1 medium baked potato
• 1 Tbs. each low fat sour cream and low fat cheese

My idea of a Cereal Diet:

11:00 am- one bowl of Captain Crunch.

3:00 pm- one bowl of Cinnamon Life

6:00 pm- one bowl of Fruit Loop

WORT IDEA EVER.

Lat night, i wa ravenou. I could have eaten a an entire Baby Mammoth after four day on thi food regime. O, Chanda made delicou pata and I tuffed my face. Then, we went out to U-wirl. One of thoe fancy little place that let you fill up the cup with frozen yogurt...and then add an entire bottle of prinkle to the top. Flipping Delicou. However, at thi point I wa feeling a little queay due to the pata and having eaten no olid food for the pat four day. After eaten a gallon of that frozen yogurt with mini gummy bear, I wanted to barf. I wa mierable for the next five hour. Moral of the tory: alway wear a helmet.

"Food i an important part of a balanced diet." -Fran Lebowitz

For Chanda

I have a new roommate. Her name is Chanda, Chanda Mae. She's pretty cool on Tuesdays, Thursdays and most major holidays. Yesterday she was obscenely bored because no one was updating their blogs. So this blog post is dedicated to her. Hopefully it will make up for me using her toothbrush.

Today, I turned in my final paper for some class I don't even know the name of. I went a total of seven times in a 5 week period and landed that A like Captain "Sully" Sullenberger crashing into the Hudson River. As I was turning in my paper, an embarrassing thing happened to me that goes like this:

My professor's office is on the 5th floor of the building. After I turned the paper in, I didn't know where I was in the building I just knew I needed to go down. I went down three flights of stairs and subsequently found a door that lead outside. I went out these doors and found myself surrounded by shrubbery and large generators. As I worked my way out like a survivor, I found myself in the middle of a freaking construction zone going on between two buildings. I honestly tried to find my way out but next thing I knew a man was yelling, "MA'AM THERE'S A TRACTOR COMING! WATCH OUT!" Not knowing what he said, I went over to him and he said, "How the heck did you get in here?" Panicked, I said, "I have no clue!" Then I moved a cone and I walked out of there, thankfully with my life.

"Basically, my life is so boring, it's embarrassing." -Hugh Grant

Mexicans

There are too many Mexicans in my life. At this current point in my life I have dated two, and had one bike stolen by a Mexican. Wow, I'm really offensive. There are some Mexicans I am fond of, such as the little man at Taco Shop. He knows me and my order and it's very endearing. However, it's not my fault that I have these prejudices. When I was home in Gilbert last my dad made a wonderfully humorous black joke. Of course I laughed and said to him, "this is why I'm a tad racist Dad." For some reason this really offended him. It's not like either of us can help it. When you are an upper-middle class, Mormon, Glenn Beck loving, white man I feel like it just comes with a territory.

Story time.

A few weeks ago, my beloved beach cruiser was cruelly stolen. The lock was left next to the spot where it last was and everything. In my sadness, I posted a Facebook status that read, "Mexicans of Tucson: if i see you riding a bike with a pink basket, not only will you look stupid, but you will have hell to pay." I guess this is offensive?

Next thing I know I get a message from one of my Facebook "friends" ranting on about how sad it is that people from our generation can be so heartlessly cruel to one race. I did feel a little bad but I replied to this message with, "IT'S NOT RACIST IF IT's TRUE."

"In order to get beyond racism, we must first take account of race. There is no other way. And in order to treat some persons equally, we must treat them differently." -Harry A. Blackmun

LAME

So I got on to blog this afternoon and started to read other people's blogs. This is when I realized how lame I am. Tara had posted about her trip to Denver, Morgan had an account of her epic skydiving trip, and Alix wrote about going to the beach and other awesome things in California. Maybe I'll blog about the smelly guy I sat by at the movies last night another time...or never.

"Hey, you know what, I've gotta go on that 'Letterman Show.' That show is so lame." -Al Gore

Best Buy

I think that I don't get out enough in Tucson. Reason being, every time I come home to Gilbert, running errands with my parents is one of my favorite things to do. Sadly, going to Target, Sam's Club, and Wal-mart excites me; and my mother rolls her at me throughout the whole experience. Today, my dad needed some cord with ends that we didn't have in the massive box of cords in the office. Of course I volunteered with more enthusiasm than necessary to go to Best Buy with him. While we were there, he couldn't find it. Although I suggested plenty of cords that looked cordy enough for our needs, they were never THE ONE. My dad found a salesperson while I messed around with a touchscreen printer that I accidentally made print and completely embarrassed myself with. As I caught up with my dad, he was talking to the hottest man/salesperson/homosapien I had ever lain eyes upon. Seriously, I could barely stop staring. I could go into detail of his perfectly bronzed skin, chiseled chin, light blue eyes, and wonderfully tousled sandy blonde hair; but I won't. As we were walking out of the store, my dad said to me, "He was attractive wasn't he?" My dad has good taste in men.

"It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly." -Oscar Wilde

Roads

Here I am, sitting on the bottom bunk of the bunk-bed that my sister and I share when I come home, pondering about life. The past few weeks for me have been a period of soul searching, yoga doing, and horoscope reading, to finally figuring out that proverbial road in life that I am supposed to take. I remember my freshman year, reading Robert Frost's poem about taking roads and making decisions, that everyone reads at some point during their high school career. Mr. Frost, my only criticism is that there are so many roads other than that initial starting crossroad. I might have started with one road but then that road lead to another road with an infinite number of intersections that I have had to consider. It's a freaking pain in the...butt. I watched the movie Eat Pray, Love the other day, and other than being a horrible movie, I found myself relating to the astounding Julia Roberts. No, I am not going to be leaving my husband, but I needed a change in my life. Well my friends, accounting is no longer my future, and the sky is already bluer and the birds are chirping. I can't get away from what I love any longer. English it will be and I am dang excited for once in a long while. Moral of the story: Life is too short not to do what will make you happy. I am excited to do what will make me happy.

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." -Albert Schweitzer

Unfun

Well folks, it's that time of year again when I have time to blog. I decided to come home and grace my family with my presence for a week or so. My sister told me I looked fat. I do love her. I'd like to take a minute and reflect on this past semester. I will hereby be labeling this past semester as the UNFUN semester of my college career. A lot of things exploded in my face, and I feel like I did not accomplish as much as I would have liked. I'll have to spend this summer catching up and restarting. I guess that's life, living and learning the hard way. Oi. How is that for a depressing blog post eh?

"Success is simply a matter of luck, ask any failure." -Earl Wilson

Buckets

I haven't blogged in a while. Actually, I never blog but every time that I do, I wish I did it more-like flossing my teeth. Today we were at my aunt's house in California and she has the most darling two year old. At one point, my dad pointed to her and said, "Just a few more years and you'll have one like this Amy." Just a few more years?! Yeah like ten! Another example. On my birthday a few weeks ago my mom said to me, "You're 20, I was married when I was 20." Hey no pressure right? I guess living for two decades means you have to either be having children or have won the Nobel Peace Prize. Here is a list of things I'd like to do in my 20's...and in life.

1. Hike Mount Kilimanjaro
2. Sky Dive (really cliche but I had to put that one on there)
3. Surf
4. GRADUATE (this should be number one)
5. Work for Disney
6. Learn a new language and live in that country
7. Open my own business
8. Go to Cal State Fullerton
9. Move to Chicago
10. Own a car
11. Read more books
12. Get my piano performance degree
13. Write for a newspaper
14. Backpack through Europe (again, cliche but it must be done)
15. Teach Economics
16. Hot air balloon
17. Go to Canada
18. Learn how to take decent pictures
19. Snowboard in Austria
20. Be in Time's Square on New Year's Eve

"Life is a ticket to the greatest show on earth."
-Martin H. Fischer