Senioritis

I'd rather take a shower with four hobos who haven't bathed in a decade than go to school tomorrow.

I'd rather pull a Britney Spears and shave off my hair than go to school tomorrow.

I'd rather eat tofu boiled in 40 year old chicken broth than go to school tomorrow.

I'd rather have five beer bottles attached to the fingers on my right hand than go to school tomorrow.

I'd rather be stuck in a nursery calling for the rest of my life than go to school tomorrow.

I'd rather be immobilized in an outhouse for 8 years with a rabid wolf than go to school tomorrow.

I'd rather live in a hut on a deserted island with no one but a babbling Birkahineo native than go to school tomorrow.

I'd rather become an ASU fan than go to school tomorrow.

I really don't want to go back to school tomorrow....

"You can't learn in school what the world is going to do next year." -Henry Ford

Lalala

Six months ago today I met my best friend.

I love him.

The Morning After

The morning after: no, this does not refer to walking out of a stranger's house with the previous night's dress half way on and the stench of someone's Axe body spray lingering on your skin. This horrible happenstance is waking up the night after an event where over 500 unnecessary photos were taken, only to find every.single.one. of them posted to Facebook. My reaction usually goes something like this:

Stumble out of bed approximately 1:30 pm. Put off going to the bathroom to check Facebook. Open computer and log on. "Holy crap, 47 new notifications, I'm soooo popular!" Peruse notifications. Find 44 new pictures tagged of yourself. Look through pictures. "EW EW EW! HOW LONG HAVE THESE BEEN UP HERE?!?! I NEED TO LOSE 2,0000 POUNDS!!" Untag yourself in pictures faster than UofA lost their chances of going to a bowl game.

I hate the morning after.

"I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands." Dudley Moore

Diet

Thi whole blog pot will be written without the ue of the letter S. Due to the fact that that key i tuck and driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!

ometime I get idea, and mot of the time, thee idea are horrible. Like, horrible. I had an idea that I hould go on a "Cereal Diet."

Thi i an example of a proper Cereal Diet:

Breakfast:

• Bowl of cereal (no more than 160 calories)
• 2/3 cup milk (1 percent low fat / or fat free)

Lunch:

• Bowl of cereal – choose a different brand (no more than 160 calories)
• 2/3 cup milk (1 percent low fat / or fat free)

Healthy Snacks (Pick three snacks daily)

• 1 cup apple slices
• 1 Tbs. peanut butter

• 4 whole wheat crackers
• 1 low fat cheese stick

• 1 cup low fat yogurt (unflavored)
• 1 cup berries

• 100 calories of pretzels
• 2Tbs. raisins

• 2/3 cup low fat cottage cheese
• 1 peach or apple

• 100 calories nut pack or 14 almonds
• 2 chocolate Hershey’s Kisses

• 15 baby carrots
• ¼ cup hummus

Dinner Suggestions: (Pick one daily)

• 4 oz grilled chicken breast
• 2 grilled pineapple rings
• 1 ¼ cup grilled vegetables
• ½ tsp. olive oil
• 1 medium baked potato
• 1 Tbs. each low fat sour cream and low fat cheese

My idea of a Cereal Diet:

11:00 am- one bowl of Captain Crunch.

3:00 pm- one bowl of Cinnamon Life

6:00 pm- one bowl of Fruit Loop

WORT IDEA EVER.

Lat night, i wa ravenou. I could have eaten a an entire Baby Mammoth after four day on thi food regime. O, Chanda made delicou pata and I tuffed my face. Then, we went out to U-wirl. One of thoe fancy little place that let you fill up the cup with frozen yogurt...and then add an entire bottle of prinkle to the top. Flipping Delicou. However, at thi point I wa feeling a little queay due to the pata and having eaten no olid food for the pat four day. After eaten a gallon of that frozen yogurt with mini gummy bear, I wanted to barf. I wa mierable for the next five hour. Moral of the tory: alway wear a helmet.

"Food i an important part of a balanced diet." -Fran Lebowitz

For Chanda

I have a new roommate. Her name is Chanda, Chanda Mae. She's pretty cool on Tuesdays, Thursdays and most major holidays. Yesterday she was obscenely bored because no one was updating their blogs. So this blog post is dedicated to her. Hopefully it will make up for me using her toothbrush.

Today, I turned in my final paper for some class I don't even know the name of. I went a total of seven times in a 5 week period and landed that A like Captain "Sully" Sullenberger crashing into the Hudson River. As I was turning in my paper, an embarrassing thing happened to me that goes like this:

My professor's office is on the 5th floor of the building. After I turned the paper in, I didn't know where I was in the building I just knew I needed to go down. I went down three flights of stairs and subsequently found a door that lead outside. I went out these doors and found myself surrounded by shrubbery and large generators. As I worked my way out like a survivor, I found myself in the middle of a freaking construction zone going on between two buildings. I honestly tried to find my way out but next thing I knew a man was yelling, "MA'AM THERE'S A TRACTOR COMING! WATCH OUT!" Not knowing what he said, I went over to him and he said, "How the heck did you get in here?" Panicked, I said, "I have no clue!" Then I moved a cone and I walked out of there, thankfully with my life.

"Basically, my life is so boring, it's embarrassing." -Hugh Grant

Mexicans

There are too many Mexicans in my life. At this current point in my life I have dated two, and had one bike stolen by a Mexican. Wow, I'm really offensive. There are some Mexicans I am fond of, such as the little man at Taco Shop. He knows me and my order and it's very endearing. However, it's not my fault that I have these prejudices. When I was home in Gilbert last my dad made a wonderfully humorous black joke. Of course I laughed and said to him, "this is why I'm a tad racist Dad." For some reason this really offended him. It's not like either of us can help it. When you are an upper-middle class, Mormon, Glenn Beck loving, white man I feel like it just comes with a territory.

Story time.

A few weeks ago, my beloved beach cruiser was cruelly stolen. The lock was left next to the spot where it last was and everything. In my sadness, I posted a Facebook status that read, "Mexicans of Tucson: if i see you riding a bike with a pink basket, not only will you look stupid, but you will have hell to pay." I guess this is offensive?

Next thing I know I get a message from one of my Facebook "friends" ranting on about how sad it is that people from our generation can be so heartlessly cruel to one race. I did feel a little bad but I replied to this message with, "IT'S NOT RACIST IF IT's TRUE."

"In order to get beyond racism, we must first take account of race. There is no other way. And in order to treat some persons equally, we must treat them differently." -Harry A. Blackmun

LAME

So I got on to blog this afternoon and started to read other people's blogs. This is when I realized how lame I am. Tara had posted about her trip to Denver, Morgan had an account of her epic skydiving trip, and Alix wrote about going to the beach and other awesome things in California. Maybe I'll blog about the smelly guy I sat by at the movies last night another time...or never.

"Hey, you know what, I've gotta go on that 'Letterman Show.' That show is so lame." -Al Gore